What is True Forgiveness?

Hello everyone.  There is a word or a subject that I would like to discuss that a lot of people seem to be having a really huge problem with, and that is,


Wikipedia defines forgiveness as this, “The process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger, as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake; and ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. That means, you give up all claim on account of the perceieved offence or debt.  and not expect restorative justice from the percieved offender.  Many people say, “I forgave, but I won’t forget.”

Forgiveness is not for others, it’s for you.  When we don’t forgive, we will begin to harbor feelings such as anger and bitterness, that will quickly turn to hate, especially when we feel like we have been wronged.  Then we simply get stuck there, just existing and we can’t move on, because we can’t seem to forgive.  We become victims.     Once we begin to internalize these feelings we tend to do serveral things, 1. We lash out.  2. We blame or transfer blame.  3. We act out.  4. We hide.

So, here is the question, If I forgive and not forget is it true forgiveness?  Do I need to forgive anyone?  Am I holding anyone in unforgiveness?  And, Is it necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgement, apology, and/or restitution, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe himself able to forgive?

Now, tell me what you think.


11 thoughts on “What is True Forgiveness?

  1. Pingback: Moody Mystiic: My Date with “ForGive”!! « Mystiic

  2. Pingback: “But I thought you forgave me?” « HOW TO MAN UP

  3. Forgive I am in the process of learning how to forgive all the lies,mistrust, threats,hurt,pain that members of my family has cause (currently reading Bishop T.D.Jakes book on Let it go). I have learned I have already started the process (it will take sometime before all the hurt is gone and it will be just scars)The scars for me will be the lack of trust I have in the people who did me wrong…I started back communicating with them somewhat but it will never be the same, and to the ones who continue it is best for me to say Hi and keep walking….I don't hold any grudges just think…I would be weary towards them when they starts speaking.I am trying to give myself a new mind (As Bishop Jakes says) a new way of thinking by leaving the past in the past and accepting that the people who did me wrong is all about them and you were just the scapegoat or victim that represent what they want or lost (in my family)

  4. Pingback: appreciating anger, resentment, and forgiveness (practical spirituality 201) « JRFibonacci's blog: partnering with reality

  5. We must first forgive in order to be forgiven. Jesus modeled it for us in The Lords Prayer. He said" Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. That simply put, means that If I am not willing to forgive, I will not be forgiven by GOD. But even after we have asked forgiveness, we tend to remind God of the wrong that we have done. Jesus was spit on, lied on, accused, beaten, dragged,and finally crucified. He recieved many wounds. But before he died he asked his father to forgive them, because they didn't know what they were doing. After he died and rose again he showed his scars to Thomas. They were no longer seeping wounds but were now healed (scars) that showed that something has taken place but he had gotten the victory, and there was no longer a threat to his health and safety. Wounds do leave scars.That is why the bible is so careful about teaching us how to conduct ourselves. Jesus COMMANDED us to love one another. This was not a suggestion. If we are looking outside of ourselves, that's who he was talking about. Vonnie G.

  6. I am just learning that when I forgive someone I am for giving them to help me process through the hurt and pain for years i would I forgive, but really have not forgiven that person; because chance i got i would throw it back up in their face the hurt they had done to me which makes no better of a person than they are. I have learned in the past 4 months how to truly forgive and move on it makes me feel good and I am not stuck being an unforgiving person; It also help me to know how can God forgive me when I truly, honestly and sincerely do not forgive my brother or sister of the hurt or wrong they have done too me. I am also learning to forgive myself; I am a person when i do something wrong or I do not feel I have not done right by a person or situation I am very hard on myself,to the where my own children say I torture myself. I never thought of it being that way but learning to forgive the correct way is an awesome thing and a good feeling.

  7. Forgiveness through Love is so important. You need not only to forgive the people or persons that may have wronged you but also yourself. Sometimes we are our worst enemy. We hold ourself to so much and bind in the process by not living in truth. The truth is …… There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. The truth is my sins are as far as the east is from the west. The truth is that I am more than a conquerer. The truth is God wants you to Live abundantly in Him with no fear! I lived in a prison in my mind for years. Being afraid to let go! Some things I didn't even know I was holding inside. Im so happy to be Free. Forgiveness is So imperative to you future, your health and state of mind.

  8. As far as forgiveness is concerned, I was recently presented with this same problem where I had held on to bitterness and unforgiveness for thirty years, all while still calling myself a christian, going to church every Sunday and doing the " Church Thing". You know what we do. We smile, say "Praise the Lord" to one another and act as if all is well with the world. But I had to take a personal look at my own self and question if I were to stand before God today would he be pleased with me, and my actions. I did not like the answer that I recieved. It was at that point that I decided to let go of the past and look to my future and truely forgive. It doesn't matter if the person accepts my forgiveness or not, or if he even acknowledge that I exist. the point is that I am now spiritually and mentally free. I can truely say that I have done what God has instructed me to do and if it is not accepted then I can shake the dust off of my feet and keep it moving, but in love and without regret.

  9. "Does the Bible instruct us to forgive and Forget?"The phrase "forgive and forget" is not found in the Bible. However, there are numerous scriptures commanding us to “forgive one another” (Matthew 6:14; Ephesians 4:32). A Christian who does not forgive can reap bitterness and the loss of eternal rewards (Hebrews 12:14-15; 2 John 1:8). Forgiveness is a decision of the will. Since God commands us to forgive, we must make a conscious choice to forgive. This frees the forgiving one from the past. The offender may not desire forgiveness and may not change (Matthew 5:44). Ideally, the offender will seek reconciliation, but if not, the one wronged should still make known his decision to forgive.In one sense, it is impossible to truly forget sins that have been committed against us. We cannot selectively "delete" events from our memory. The Bible states that God does not "remember" our wickedness (Hebrews 8:12). God is all-knowing. God knows that we have “sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). However, having forgiven us, He treats us as if the sin had not occurred. If we belong to Him through faith in Christ, God does not hold our sins against us. In that sense we must "forgive and forget." If we forgive someone, we must act as if that sin had never occurred. We remember the sin, but we live as if we did not remember it. Ephesians 4:32 tells us, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."Source: Got Questions Ministries

  10. If someone has wronged you and they never apologize, you still have to forgive. Christ forgave us, so we must forgive. True forgiveness should not just be with words but with a right attitude,love, and actions.

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